Rat-dogs

My family always had big ole man-dogs. My Uncle raised coon dogs, like Blue Healers, Bassets, Beagles, Irish Setters, the kind of dog that can be trained to hunt. He taught them to hunt just about everything, squirrels, rabbits, dove, mink, raccoon, you name it. He was good at it too. His dogs could carry an uncooked egg in their mouth without cracking the shell or even getting it wet. He made big bucks training and selling these dogs. He also raised rabbit and mink. When fur coats were popular he made a fortune.

My father raised German Shepherds. He trained them for the police department. He too was good at it. He trained his dogs in German. They could do just about anything, sit, lay, stay, heel, count, add, subtract, too many tricks to even list. Just like my Uncle, he too made big bucks training and selling these dogs.

I hated these dogs and was scared of them. They were big and mean. Just about all of my siblings and cousins had a scar from a dog bite. I had one too!

Once the sun went down the dogs were put in kennels at the back of the yard. At night the dogs were in attack to kill mode. We knew better than get close to these kennels.

I also had big man-dogs. Only because I was too much of a wuss to break the tradition and buy a little dog. We poked fun at small dogs calling them rat-dogs. Now that was the worse thing you could call a dog!

One night it was pouring down rain. The electricity was out. I could hear a whimpering and scratching at my front door, but when I looked outside I couldn't see anything on the porch. It was just too dark.

The whimpering went on until curiosity got the best of me. I opened the front door and there sat a little bitty ball of fur, soaking wet and all muddy. I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and picked it up. Much to my horror, in the dark it looked like a skunk. I screamed and threw it back on the porch. I watched it through the window for awhile. The lights went on and I realized it was a Terrier, a rat Terrier, yep a rat-dog. I got the towel again and picked it up.

It was really cute and grateful. It licked me all over my face and neck. It cuddled up against me and wouldn't let me put it down. Just the cutest little thing.

When Stevie came home the rat-dog went crazy with excitement. He whimpered and cried and got all excited. He instantly became Stevie's next best friend.

We had no idea where this dog came from. We went door to door, but no one claimed him. Then after about two weeks Ms Jennie, one of our neighbors stopped by. It was her dog and his name was Widow. We thought she said Little, cause he was sooo small, but no it was Widow. Ms. Jennie was a movie star and had acted in the silent movie The Widow. So that's how he got his name and that's how we got hooked on little bitty rat-dogs.

Bye Bye Chaco

I had an Aunt Marge that did have a rat-dog. Because she was considered the black sheep of the family, her having a rat-dog didn't count. She married a rich old man & lived in a mansion in a high dollar area of Chicago. Died her hair bright red & raised Chocolate Tea Cup Chihuahuas. Rat-dogs.

Most of the relatives ignored her, except my mother. Aunt Marge would stop by our house in her big, bathtub looking, chauffeur driven Lincoln Continental. We'd all pile in & spend the summer at her place in Michigan.

She had a male rat-dog Chihuahua named Chocolate & a female named Chocollatta. They were cantankerous, vicious, tooo fat & ugly. And they bit. We hated these rat-dogs! But she didn't! These were the babies she never had.

They had special places to sit & we didn't dare sit down before they did, cause they bit! But sometimes we forgot. If you sat in the car before one of them did, they bit you. If you sat on the sofa before them, they bit you! If you sat on a lawn chair before them, they bit you! If you walked too close to their dog food bowl, they bit you. Usually on the fingers. By the end of the summer we had 5 or 6 band-aids on each finger. We hated these rat-dogs!

Of course it was always our fault, because my Aunt thought they were just soooo cute. Each time we got bit she would laugh & blame it on us, it was never the rat-dogs fault.

"Oh no, you got bit again (laughter), you know Ms Chocolatta just has to pick out where she wants to sit first, (more laughter). You should have sat on the dirt, then you wouldn't have gotten bit. You know she likes sitting on the lawn chairs." " Let's put a band-aid on that little finger, Chocolate didn't mean it, (laughter) he just wanted to sit on the sofa & you got in his way (more laughter). You kids need to sit on the floor, that way you won't get bit." "Oh my that looks like a bad one, but you shouldn't have walked so close to his dog bowl."(more laughter) We hated these rat-dogs.

One summer my Aunt came to get us in her black bathtub looking Lincoln & was gleaming with excitement. Smiling ear to ear she announced Ms Chocollatta was pregnant! She was due any day now & hopefully she would give birth at the summer home. She was very excited. We weren't! All we could think about was there was going to be another biter that we'd have to deal with.

This was the last time we stayed at the summer house & the first time my little sister got bit. She was only 3 & had walked too close to the dog food bowl. Chocolate jumped up and bit her on the butt. He held on while she ran screaming through the house. Of course it was her fault, but she didn't see it that way. "Bad dog, bad, bad dog". She cried over & over again.

The chauffeur was very upset over this & told my Aunt if those dogs ever bit him, he'd drown them.

Ms Chocollatta gave birth to one tiny little rat-dog. My Aunt thought it was the absolutely most beautiful puppy in the whole wide world. We thought it was ugly!

My Aunt brought her home from the vet's & made a bed for them in the bathroom. Us kids were not supposed to go in there. If we had to pee we were supposed to either use the old out house or pee outside. The bathroom was forbidden territory, Chocollatta needed peace & quiet so she could recuperate. Such a wonderful miracle had bestowed her & she just didn't need a bunch of kids upsetting her & making her milk go sour. According to my Aunt.

My Aunt named the puppy Chaco & talked non-stop about how cute it was. "Chaco is so cute, he has these big brown deer eyes. He's just covered in beautiful brown fur. He's so tiny, but each time I pick him up he nibbles on my neck. Little puppy kisses."

On & on she talked about how cute Chaco was. My sister hadn't seen him yet. The excitement of it all & curiosity got the best of her. Early one morning she snuck into the bathroom to take a peek. Just as she picked up Chaco, Chocollatta grabbed her by the fingers. My little sister screamed, turned around & dropped the puppy into the toilet. My Aunt walked in just as my sister flushed the toilet & said, "Bye bye Chaco." "Bad, bad dog!"

Chihuahuas

Chihuahuas are so popular now, celebrities are carrying them around in high dollar doggy bags, there is a movie about them and YouTube has some great video clips on them. Chihuahuas are cool I've had them for several years.I have one named Burrito Beans, he's a tea cup, about 3 pounds. We named him Beans because the night we brought him home he had gas and sent everyone running out the door gasping for air. Somehow Burrito just got added on.

He's white, but I dye him pink, I give him paw-d'cures and paint his nails lime green. He is sexually confused, he just can't figure out if he is male or female. Sometimes he squats when he pees, sometimes he hikes his leg. When he hikes his leg he pees on himself this terrifies him and he screams and takes off running. Yeah he screams, he does this "oh oh oh" scream really loud and high pitched. When he does this I get the impression there is a little gay boy stuck in his body. If he could talk it would be in a high pitched tone and real fast.

We jog together, I tuck him under my hoodie, with just his head peaking out. He's bad, real bad. When he is securely tucked away under my hoodie he thinks he is a pit bull he growls to each person that jogs on by. But when I put him down he turns into a wuss and does the "oh oh oh" scream when someone approaches.

He's ugly, has big bubble eyes and a crooked buck tooth that doesn't fit in his mouth. His tongue is too wide so it hangs out on one side. He sleeps with one eye half open. His body is longer than his legs. His head is so big when he looks down his back legs lift up. I tell him he is too ugly to look at and needs to hide his face. He does, he puts his paws over his face. I tell him he is ugly all over, so he hides himself under his blanket.

He farts too, silent obnoxious fumes which always brings numerous comments from anyone so unfortunate to be within smelling range. Such an obnoxious smell coming from so small a dog is a real surprise. He gets lots of attention when doing this. I am beginning to think he has learned to control his farts and lets one out to receive attention. Such wild behavior, but sooo entertaining.

He's afraid of the dark, I have to leave a night lite on for him. If I forget he drags his blanket to my bedroom and sleeps on the floor next to my bed.

He's clumsy too, he doesn't look where he is going. He runs into trees, or chairs, he falls up the stairs, over and over again and each time he gets knocked down he sits with his eyes closed and does the "oh oh oh" scream.

He is scared of absolutely everything! Leaves blowing will make him pee and take off running. The cat grooms him and he's too scared to move, so he just lays there doing the "oh oh oh" scream. Just saying the words "big dog" puts him in a frenzy. He's afraid of fleas too. If I say he has a flea on him, he runs to the coffee table where I keep his comb and sits there until I comb it out. But in the car he is a 100 pound pit bull. He growls ferociously at anything that moves.

He accompanies me wherever I go. He has a puppy sofa, green brocade with buttons and tassels and a red velvet blanket that I keep in my car. He's my traveling buddy, my protector, the Great Pubah. Heaven forbid if someone approaches the car. He jumps on my lap and goes into protection mode, gnarling and growling like he is going to tear them to pieces with that silly crooked buck tooth sticking out. But - if they put out their hand to touch him he pees and does the "oh oh oh" scream.

Yeah Chihuahuas are cool! So how cool is yours?

Taco Bell

Taco Bell was our first rat-dog. He was a Tea Cup Deer Chihuahua. He was tiny, really tiny. His mother was old when she had him. She could no longer hear nor could she see. She gave birth to him then died. He was too tiny to nurse on the other mother Chihuahua. So he was fed with an eye dropper, not thinking he would actually live.

Ms Sara James was smitten & immediately became his new mama. She groomed him head to toe & he loved it. If he got too close to the road she would pick him up by the gruff of his neck & carry him to safety. Anywhere Taco was Ms Sara would be. She took her role as mother very seriously.

Taco's first road trip was to Colorado. We bought him a blue ski sweater with white snow flakes on it & off we went. We left sunny Texas & within a few hours we were in snow covered Oklahoma. Just as we got to Colorado the roads were closed so we stopped at a motel to get a room for the night. Stevie opened the car door & sat Taco on the snow. Boom he disappeared down through the snow, which was piled about a foot high. OOOPS, where'd you go?

That wasn't the first time he disappeared in a hole. One time when he was jogging with me he fell in a sewer pipe. One minute he was beside me, the next he was gone. OOOPS, were'd you go?

One of the guys on the jogging track pulled him out. Taco wasn't hurt & the guy thought it was hilarious. He laughed till he had tears in his eyes.

The next time he fell in a hole, was the toilet. Ms Sara used the toilet to do her business & Taco imitated her. But one night the toilet seat was up. OOOPS where'd you go? I heard this thud then a whimper, then silence. I turned the light on & there he was. Limp & floating in bloody toilet water. He had knocked himself out & bit his tongue.

We have a swimming pool & Taco's job was to run along the edge while I skimmed out the leaves. He loved the pool. He & I would spend hours laying around on the floats. Jumping in now & then to cool off. But that was during the summer & even Texas has a few non-swimming months. But no matter what time of year it was when it came time to skim off the leaves he was there. He'd chase the skimmer basket back & forth, over & over again, growling & snapping, trying to catch it. And it never failed, he would always fall in. OOPS where'd you go?

Taco liked to swim, but he didn't like baths. As soon as I said you need a bath, he would go into attack mode. Growling & snapping in the air. He never bit, just snapped in the air, but some times he got really scary & loud. He didn't take a bath he took a shower. With me! When he got under the water he loved it, but soon as he was done he started his bad boy game. He growled & ran through the house snapping in the air. He did this until he was exhausted.

He hated his toe nails trimmed. If I mentioned it, he would go into his bad boy attack mode, running through the house growling & snapping at the air until he was exhausted. Then he'd go lay down on his puppy sofa and spend the next few hours biting his toe nails off. I never had to trim them, I just had to say I was going to.

When we brought Burrito Beans home Taco liked him for all of two minutes & that was it. He terrorized Beans. He ate his food, he hid his toys, he refused to share his swim float or his puppy sofa. And he refused to share his best friend Chili Pepper with him. Burrito was excluded from all puppy activities.

Then one day it dawned on Taco. Each time he was mean Burritto got all of my & Stevie's attention. And just like that he stopped & he and Burrito became friends.

Puppy Sleep Overs

My gaybors have a Chihuahua named Chili Pepper. He's a chocolate brown tea cup with huge ears & bubbly eyes. He's fat - real real real fat! He looks like he swallowed a foot ball. You've seen them. Little old ladies with blue hair always have one & they name them stupid names that have to do with chocolate.

Anyway- Chili Pepper is my Chihuahuas', Taco Bell & Burrito Beans, bestest friend. On Friday the three of us walk to Pepper's house & bring him home for his weekend puppy sleep over.

When we have puppy sleep overs the weekend consists of the three of them swimming in the pool, having lunch, playing some, then settleing down for the evening on the puppy sofa. Same thing Saturday, then Sunday morning Pepper starts heading for home. Sleep over is over he's done.

Chili Pepper has an eating disorder. Thus the reason he is sooooooo fat! He will eat anything and everything. He eats himself sick. He especially loves cat food so I have to make sure it is out of his reach when he comes to visit.

On this particular sleep over I forgot to hide the cat food & of course Pepper found it. He tore open and ate a full bag of cat food. The whole bag, not one crumb left. But I did not know this, he hid the bag in the corner of the sunporch where I couldn't see it. How'd he do that?

Soooo, early in the wee morning, I hear this whimpering sound ooooo, eeeeee, ow ow ow ow, mmmmm, ooooooo. Louder & louder. There on the puppy sofa is Pepper crying in pain. He's unable to get up, but keeps trying & each time he howels in pain & falls over. Of course I go into panic thinking my gaybor is going to flip out if his dog dies.

I check him out, no cuts, no wounds, no blood! So I pick him up & head for my gaybors house. After pounding on the door for several minutes my gaybors answer.

Oh my gosh, I don't know what happened, but Pepper is sick, really sick. My gaybor takes Pepper from me & while he's checking him out his partner goes into full drama queen mode. "Oh lordy lordy he's gonna die. Oh palleeeese God don't take my special little baby from me. Palllllleeeeese. Oh my my my I don't think I can go through another one of my beloved babies dying. Oh lordy I just can't do it, I just CAN'T!!!!! Not again!!!!! Oh lord, how much can a person take, oh lord, no, no, no!!! Just don't take my precious little baby from me, oh lordy lordy!!! I'm begging you, just a begggggggin, pallllleeeese!"

After examining Pepper, my gaybor stands up and turns to his partner & says. "Get the pepto, the dam dog ate too much AGAIN! And for pete's sake shut up, he's not going to die, once he poops he'll be just fine."

TWO SOX

Our neighbor abandoned their kitten when they moved. Yeah, not nice. It was not quite a year old & female. By the time we realized this it had gone back to being wild. We neighbors fed it, but it wouldn't let us get too close. Each one of us had tried to adopt it, but the cat was not interested. So, we put out bowls of food & water & named her Wild Cat.

Of course within a few months she was pregnant. We took all but one to the vet. He put them to sleep because they were filled with worms & would have died anyway. How very sad. After that she continued to have one litter after another. We put the cat de-wormer medicine in her food, but none of her kittens were ever healthy. Again, how very sad!

This went on for about two years. All of us tried to catch Wild Cat, but to no avail. Just a few of her kittens survived. Most of the females died in child birth, the males got ran over by cars. She too eventually died in childbirth.

New people moved into the house with a whole six pack of kids. They immediately began terrorizing Wild Cat. They tried to catch her. They chased her through the neighborhood just about scaring her to death. Again very sad!

I have a huge backyard with a screened in porch. I kept the door propted open so she could come in out of the bad weather. I kept a bowl of cat food & water on the porch & a big fluffy blanket for Wild Cat to lie on & keep warm.

Eventually she took up residency on my porch. My Chihuahuas & Ms Sara didn't mind. Wild Cat avoided them & they avoided her. I put a cage on the porch in hopes of catching her. I wanted to take her to the vet, get her checked over & "fixed". But all I ever caught were my Chihuahuas. Wild Cat wouldn't go anywhere near the cage, even when I put her food in it, she still avoided it.

By now she had had numerous litters & her litters had litters & on & on. Our neighborhood was over run by wild cats & they were becoming a nuisance. Some of the neighbors adopted a kitten or two, had them fixed & turned them into house cats.

Eventually it was more than we could tolerate. Everyday we found a dead cat, or a litter of half dead sick kittens. Again, very sad. We all bought cages & went on an aggressive cat catch. After some time we did eliminate the wild cats from the neighborhood.

Wild Cat had a litter on my porch. Four pitiful looking kittens. The Chihuahuas wouldn't leave them alone so I put them in the greenhouse. I was gone on travel for 6 days. When I returned Wild Cat & all but one of her kittens were dead.

We named this one Two Sox, because his two front paws were pure white. It looked like he had on socks. He immediately became one of the family. Ms Sara James became his mama. She tried her best to nurse him, but she was just too old. She was content with grooming him & playing with him. We fed Two Sox with an eyedropper filled with a special formula the vet gave us.

He grew fat & healthy. I was the only one he would let pet him, he remained wild.

When Ms Sara James died he became Burrito Beans protector. Wherever Beans was Two Sox was. Two Sox followed him around the yard making sure he didn't get hurt. He tried to play with Beans, but Beans is a scarety cat & would just panic.

Two Sox loved bubbles. I have a bubble machine which I'd plug in & set on the outdoor bar. Two Sox would jump high in the air after the bubbles. He'd chase them around the yard. Sometimes he'd think he had caught a bubble & he'd roll around on his back thinking he was holding it between his paws. This is the only time Beans would play with Two Sox. Beans would get all excited & hop around after Two Sox. Chasing after the bubbles, Beans looked like Bambi the deer running & playing through the forest.

When it was nap time they both went on the porch & layed down on Two Sox's blanket. Two Sox would cuddle up next to Beans & wrap his paws around him. Protecting him from the wild predators that roam our neighborhood.

We have lots of wild animals in our neighborhood, not just cats. We have possums, skunks, racoons, armadillos & wild turkeys. We have snakes too. The Chihuahuas have all been bitten by a snake. Ms Sara has too. They have come real close to being sprayed by skunks, close, but not quite. Thank goodness!

The possums are beyond ugly & can get really vicious. They sneak on the porch at night & eat the cat food. They hang by their tails from the rafters in the garage. With their babies clinging to them. It is NOT a cute site! Their babies are ugly. Pink with huge squinty red eyes. Ugly! They make squeaky hissing noises, like the air coming out of a balloon. Ugly! Yuk!

Possums won't back down, they will fight, they will attack. I keep a golf club on the porch to shoo them away, they are not afraid. They just look at me, with their squinty red eyes, huge mouth full of pointy sharp teeth & hiss.

The Chihuahuas are house dogs. I don't dare let them out at night by themselves for fear the armadillos, coons, or possums will get them. Once Two Sox is settled down on his blanket for the night, I shut & lock the porch doors, but the possums tore a hole in the screen. We started putting out cages to catch them, but before we could they got Two Sox.

Again, sad very, very sad. We are going to miss you Two Sox.

PETA Pets

My friend has a beautiful two story, huge summer home off the lake. He purchased the land in the 50s & spent his weekends hauling rock which he planned to use to build the house. Once the home was built he spent his weekends scavenging through second hand shops & junk stores looking for the perfect items to decorate with.

During the 60s, when it was popular to kill animals just for the fun of it & for bragging rights he went on escorted hunts. He went to Africa & slaughtered elephants to use their legs for bar stools. He went to Alaska & killed Bullwinkle the moose so he could hang the head over the fireplace. He went to Uruguay to kill a 60 foot python for the skin. He slaughtered a spotted cougar, a black panther, a lynx, a fox, raccoons, more snakes & then started on the birds. He killed a hawk, a dove, falcons, pheasants, & on & on. The summer place, or The Castle, as it is known has around a hundred birds, snakes, lizards & exotic wildlife on display. All slaughtered before PETA became popular. Not that it mattered, to him PETA stands for People Eating Tasty Animals. We call his "trophies" The Castle PETA Pets.

The Castle is a beautiful place. It sits on a cliff overlooking the lake. Each bedroom has floor to ceiling windows & a veranda. The landscaping is intentionally rough looking with cactus, some hundreds of years old & huge boulders scattered about. The whole place is absolutely amazing. The sunsetting & rising over the lake is a site to behold.

The PETA Pets are way over the top for me, but I love spending time out there. Usually Burrito Beans goes everywhere with me, but not there, I leave him with my neighbor, because my friend doesn't like animals in his house, not unless they have been slaughtered & hanging over the fireplace.

This time Beans came with me. Beans who is usually a scaredy cat, was in scent heaven. He went from one skin to the next smelling each from head to toe. My friend was in pure panic watching Beans go from animal to animal, he'd make remarks like, "I really don't like dogs in the house", "I hope he doesn't break anything," & "dogs belong outside, dam dirty animals." "He's three pounds & pink, what do you think he's going to do?" "He's scared of everything, do you actually think he's going to attack & tear up one of The PETA Pets?" "Calm down, he's just checking things out, he's not going to hurt anything," I said. Wrong!

The fireplace has a ledge about two feet from the floor. A skunk, a deer skin, a raccoon are draped haphazardly over the ledge. We're watching tv, Beans is sleeping on his puppy sofa. My phone rings, I have a dog barking ring tone. This startles Beans, he jumps on the fireplace ledge & attacks the coon, grabs it by it's ear & shakes it vigoursly back & forth, over & over again. I grabbed the camera & my friend grabs his heart. "Oh my god, he's killing my coon"!

Burrito Beans is no longer welcome at my friends house, he is antisocial, he just hasn't learned how to properly play with PETA Pets.